30/ 07/ 2009. The day that sent our whole world into a spin. My 20 week scan.
I was really looking forward to my scan. We had only had one scan before and it was just amazing. Our baby was waving to us and jumping around and I went into this scan looking forward to seeing her.
When we walked into the scan room it was different than before, I suddenly felt nervous and I didn't know why.
The radiographer was quiet as she scanned me, and she spent alot of time looking at the baby's head and spine.
Then she stopped, turned to us and said, "I'm just going to have to get the doctor, there might be a problem with the baby's spine."
My heart sank as she walked out of the room and I turned to David and said, "What if it's spina bifida". I don't know why that popped into my head, I didn't know hardly anything about it, I knew my cousin had it but it was nothing we had worried about. I had taken my folic acid before I conceived my baby so I thought spina bifida wouldn't affect us - but now I wasn't so sure.
David reassured me, he told me that the radiographer probably just needed to make sure everything was okay and that they probably double checked with the doctor all the time but neither of us could take our eyes of the image frozen on the scanner. It was of our baby's spine and towards the bottom there was a blurry white mark that wasn't anywhere else. We just stared at it hoping that our baby was okay.
Eventually the doctor came in accompanied by the midwife and turned the lights on and asked me to sit up. Their faces were full of sorrow and concern and I knew it was bad. I braced myself but it just didn't seem to be real. This kind of thing happens to other people. Not us.
But it had happened to us. The doctor explained that our baby had spina bifida. I found myself asking tons of questions, I can't even remember what they were and I don't really remember her replies. She mentioned a wheelchair a few times and that we would find out more when we had a scan done by a specialist in a few days. I remember the midwife was rubbing my foot and David was rubbing my back while I was trying so hard not to burst into tears. The doctor asked me was there anything else I wanted to know and I asked her was there anything else that appeared to be wrong. She hesitated then told me that there was some fluid on the baby's brain. It was at that moment I just completely broke down. I imagined my baby in a wheelchair, mentally disabled and having no quality of life. Yet there was no doubt in my mind of one thing. I was going to keep her. She was still my baby and I loved her.
When we got home I was on the internet straight away, typed spina bifida into Google and felt sick as I read what spina bifida meant. Our baby had a split spine. Spinal nerves were therefore exposed and damaged. Spina bifida meant paralysis. It meant our baby would have bowel and bladder problems.
Then I looked up fluid on the brain. It meant hydrocephalus. Hydrocephalus could cause brain damage. It could be controlled my a shunt being fitted but the shunt couldn't be placed until she was born. I was only half way through my pregnancy and I had never felt so scared.
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