The day after the scan myself and David had planned to go on a weekend break to Donegal. We had spent the past 24hours crying, thinking about spina bifida, trying to find out more about it and driving ourselves crazy. So we decided to go to Donegal as planned. There was no point staying at home glued to the internet trying to find out what our baby's life was going to be like because the internet had no definate answers.
So off we went. We spent the weekend talking and trying to come to terms with what had happened. It still felt a bit unreal. We were grieving for the healthy baby we thought we had, we still had the same baby but this baby was going to be disabled. Then something happened that completely changed our perspective on everything.
I started to bleed.
We rushed to the nearest hospital and ended up in the wrong spot, with David running up and down empty corridors trying to find a doctor. We eventually found a member of staff who told us we were in the wrong hospital and had to go to across the road to the other part. When we got to reception the room was full of waiting patients and I thought we would be there a while. But when David explained what was happening we were sent straight up to Gynacology who sent us to Maternity. I was a blubbering mess. I thought I had stressed myself out so much I had gone into labour or I was losing the baby. The past few days had been centred around spina bifida and now it just didn't matter anymore. I just needed my baby to be alive.
After what seemed like an eternity the doctor came and took me to be scanned. She watched my baby on the scanner and pointed out to us her little heart beating. She was just fine. And I had never felt so happy.
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