Sisters and Disability..

Does having a child with a disability have an negative impact on the lives of their brothers or sisters?  I have heard more times than I care to remember of cases where doctors have bluntly told parent's the answer to that question is yes.  That to have a child with a disability is being selfish and unfair to their other children.  As Caitlin was our first baby I didn't have to worry about that at first.  Then Caitlin became a big sister when she was almost three and now her little sister Aoife is a 20 month old boisterous toddler who is taking in everything around her.  Consequently, I have started to think about how her sister's disability has or is affecting her.  Does it have a negative impact on her life?  They have been forced to be apart twice due to Caitlin needing shunt revisions when Aoife was a few months old and again when she had just turned a year old but it hasn't had any negative impact on her, perhaps because she was so young.  Even so, I can't think of a single way it has or is negatively impacting on her.

Aoife doesn't stare at Caitlin's wheelchair thinking its something strange, that it's something that makes her different to other children.  She sees it as something her sister uses sometimes and likes to have a turn every now and again...

Caitlin is not a burden to Aoife's life in any way.  In fact she is teaching Aoife how to be patient, to be kind and to be compassionate.  Aoife may only be 20months old but she is faster than Caitlin and is more physically able than her.  Yet she doesn't run off and leave Caitlin struggling to keep up.  If they're having a race Aoife runs ahead then will stop, look back and wait for Caitlin to catch up before running again.  When they are playing on the street on their ride on's Aoife may get ahead of Caitlin quickly but always looks back every so often, stops, smiles and waits.  She doesn't question, she doesn't get frustrated.  When Caitlin falls Aoife puts her hand out to help her up and gives her a hug and Caitlin does the same for Aoife.

As Caitlin spends over an hour in the bathroom each day and Aoife is nearly always in with us, she is asking for her turn to go on the potty - we may have to start toileting training earlier than we thought!  She even bought a catheter into me a few weeks ago and said "Aoife's turn" then lay down and pointed to her nappy! Aoife is so accepting of the medical stuff because it's all she's ever known.  There's nothing wrong with that, I can only see the good in accepting anybody regardless of how they may look or the equipment they may use.

There has also been quite a remarkable change in Caitlin over the past few months and I think Aoife may have played an important part in that :)  I have blogged before about Caitlin and her noise issues.  Looking back, it had really been disrupting all our lives.  It was getting to the point were she didn't want to go outside, she didn't want to go to the park or soft play, she didn't want to mix with children because of potential noise but there has been such an improvement in her.  She still doesn't like particular noises but the outcome of hearing something she doesn't like no longer results in her bursting into uncontrollable crying or hiding under a table with her hands over her ears and her eyes squeezed shut.  No longer do we go to a loud place and the entire time there is spent with Caitlin sitting on my knee upset, telling me she doesn't like it and wants to go home.  I think it might have something to do with the fact that Aoife is a complete daredevil (with not an ounce of common sense!) and so Caitlin sees her being unafraid of anything and that encourages her to try.  Caitlin sees Aoife run on into soft play without a backward glance to us, she sees her run straight for the tallest slide she can find in the park and she sees her diving into a bouncy castle head first jumping as high as she can and laughing when she tumbles over.  Before Aoife, Caitlin wouldn't even sit on the edge of a bouncy castle.  This year she learnt how to jump in one.

The same goes for the jumping pillow at the farm we go too.  Caitlin was always afraid of it.  This year as Aoife likes to practically somersault across it Caitlin decided to have a try.  But it's too wobbly for her to balance standing on it so she sits on it while all the children (including Aoife) jump around her.  That may paint a sad picture, but when I look at her face she's smiling.  She's jumping too.  Maybe not on her own or on her feet but Aoife and the other kids jumping around her causes her to bounce up and down on it too.

Like most sisters they fight like cat and dog, they annoy each other, they push each other but when they are apart they look and ask for each other.  Aoife idolises Caitlin and Caitlin is very protective of Aoife.  They like to make each other laugh.

  The first thing Aoife does in the morning is say "Go get Caitlin" and the last thing she says at night is "Night Caitlin." (although she still pronounces her name Date-Lin, its very cute). She isn't negatively impacted by Caitlin's disability at all.  She doesn't see any disability in Caitlin.  She just sees her best friend and her big sister.