Wait and See.

Wait and See.  A sentence us sb mums are well used too.
When we find out our babies have spina bifida, and in most cases hydrocephalus as well, we have a lot of questions.

"Will my baby ever walk".  The answer will be Wait and See.
"Will my baby be incontinent?".  The answer will be Wait and See.
"Will my baby suffer brain damage or have learning difficulties because of the hydrocephalus?"  The answer will be Wait and See.
"Will my baby go through life needing many surgeries?"  The answer will be Wait and See.

It's the unknown, the fear of uncertainty that plays a major part in our lives.  We don't know that tomorrow will be an ordinary day.  I had planned on a day out for my Caitlin today.  But it was not to be.  Yesterday, exactly two months after her last shunt revision her fonatelle went up a little bit, but it tends to fluctuate so we kept her at home.  She was up a few times during the night, and this morning it was still up, going tense, then soft.  Then she vomited.  And my heart sunk.  The hope I had started to have that this shunt might be the shunt that works, was leaving me.  So our day out was cancelled and a day in the hospital was now the plan.  I've told the story before, how it works.  Caitlin, completely terrified the entire time we're there, the scans, the blood tests.  My heart breaks every time we have to do it.  She was sedated again just before her CT scan, but woke up as soon as I put her on bed to be scanned!  Before she had even looked around she screamed "Noooo" and clung to me.  She just knows now what comes next.  Thankfully, we got the scan pictures taken, I had to pin her down and hold her face completely still when they did it.  I feel horrible doing that to her.  During the x-ray's, while she sobbed she saw the light to take the picture and through her cries she said "Cheeseee"  (because shes used to me telling her to say "Cheese" when I'm taking a picture) bless her.

Once again, we waited nervously for the results.  The neuro arrived and told us her ventricles were once again, slightly dilated.  Every time her shunt has been revised before, they've been slightly dilated.  Only this time, he didn't know whether to do the surgery.  He called the "boss" neuro down who also wasn't convinced to do the surgery.  I don't really understand it, this is the way she always is, how she presents her symptoms, and they always do the surgery.  But this time, he wants to wait.  Maybe he wants to see how she goes.  If she can live with having slightly dilated ventricles, without it causing her any harm, then the surgery won't happen.  That's fine by me, but I don't have much hope that she won't need the surgery.  Maybe I'll be surprised, who know's.  I do hope that I am wrong, that it will all be okay.

Once again, we just have to Wait and See.